Tell Your Best Joke
- Thread starter Stizzla
- Start date
Burrow boy
Active Member
My girlfriend is in collage for nursing and called me today upset .seems they gave everyone a covid 19 test . she was upset she got 54%
Burrow boy
Active Member
The problem with covid jokes is that not everyone gets it.
Rain City
Crew Member
And a very small percentage die of laughter from them...
Rain City
Crew Member
Too much?
Burrow boy
Active Member
not at all snowmen are built and stand proudly in there yard until they become adrift.Too much?
happy hooker
Crew Member
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17 ft sea ranger
Active Member
cuttlefish
Well-Known Member
Not really a joke but a humorous anecdote from local community oral folklore.
A rather large fisherman was returning home on his gillnetter after a long opening. Not wanting to do so inside the breakwater, he stepped out on deck to relieve himself while passing offshore of town. An elderly matron saw the fisherman pissing overboard and was so offended that she filed a complaint with the local constable. The officer met the fisherman at the float when he tied up in the harbour and charged him with indecent exposure.
When the fisherman received the summons to appear at court he decided to defend himself. After the prosecutor finished presenting the evidence to the judge, the fisherman asked to question the testimony of the matron, the prosecution’s star witness. His first question, “Will the witness please describe the object in question as I haven’t seen it myself in over twenty-five years.”
That is where the story ends. I haven’t ever heard the outcome of the court case.
Just wondering if anyone on here was heard a similar story.
A rather large fisherman was returning home on his gillnetter after a long opening. Not wanting to do so inside the breakwater, he stepped out on deck to relieve himself while passing offshore of town. An elderly matron saw the fisherman pissing overboard and was so offended that she filed a complaint with the local constable. The officer met the fisherman at the float when he tied up in the harbour and charged him with indecent exposure.
When the fisherman received the summons to appear at court he decided to defend himself. After the prosecutor finished presenting the evidence to the judge, the fisherman asked to question the testimony of the matron, the prosecution’s star witness. His first question, “Will the witness please describe the object in question as I haven’t seen it myself in over twenty-five years.”
That is where the story ends. I haven’t ever heard the outcome of the court case.
Just wondering if anyone on here was heard a similar story.
Newf
Crew Member
Old Geezers Logic
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "That is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000." (Dr. Geezer then him a $10 bill) Dr. Young says "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer"
Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.
An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr. Geezer's clinic. Get your treatment for $500, if not cured, get back $1,000.
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !! -- "That is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak --- I can hardly see anything!!!!"
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so, "Here's your $1000." (Dr. Geezer then him a $10 bill) Dr. Young says "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."
Moral of story: Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer"
Remember: Don't make old people mad. We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to **** us off.
Newf
Crew Member
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."