Tell Your Best Joke

You need a sense of humour to
working a nursing home ~ that is for sure.

MYPRIVATE PART DIED


An old man, Mr.. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.


One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.

Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.


'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy,she replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry,Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.'

The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
Private Part hanging out of his pyjamas.

He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' shesaid, 'You shouldn't be walking
down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your
pyjamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that
my Private Part died.'

'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy , 'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your
pyjamas?'

(You've gotta love this.)



'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
 
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2 female police dog handlers are out on the beat with their dogs, when one says to the other, "S**t I left my spare knickers back at the station". The other replies, "well let the dog have a sniff of your crotch, and send him to go get them". 10 minutes later the dog returned as proud as could be with her knickers, 2 truncheons, and 3 of the desk sergeants fingers!
 
A GOOD CANADIAN JOKE.
A photographer on vacation in Orlando was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in Atlanta . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.
'O.K., thank you,' said the American.
He then traveled to Indianapolis , Washington DC , Philadelphia , Boston and New York .
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
With the same '$10,000 per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel up to Canada to see if Canadians had the same phone.
He arrived in Canada , headed east because someone told him that the province of Newfoundland and Labrador was the prettiest place they had ever seen. Again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '40 cents per call.'
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. 'Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?’
The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Newfoundland now, son ... it's a local call.'
KEEP SMILING, if you are proud to be a Newfoundlander and a Canadian then pass this on!
 
True story.....I was in Costco the other day looking to get some packs of chicken to prepare some meals in advance of a big upcoming hunting trip. Got my 2 packs of bone-in thighs and boneless chicken breasts and took them to the cash register for payment. The lady running the cash register asked if I had found everything OK, to which I said that I had got what I needed, as I didn't want or need to get any NDP chicken. She gave me a bit of a puzzled look and said "NDP chicken??" I replied "Yes, those are all the left wings and assholes." She absolutely split a gut laughing so hard, and I thought the guy in line behind me was going to have a jammer too. It was pretty funny!!!
 
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Just a copy and paste from a Newfie Buddy.

Racism
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Newfy sausage?"
The shop assistant asks, "Are you from Newfoundland ?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Newfy sausage, why did you ask me if I'm from Newfoundland ?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Hardware."
 
Newf said:
Just a copy and paste from a Newfie Buddy.

Racism
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Newfy sausage?"
The shop assistant asks, "Are you from Newfoundland ?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Newfy sausage, why did you ask me if I'm from Newfoundland ?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Hardware."
Click to expand...
 
Grew up in Grand Falls. Couldn't help laughing aloud when I got to the punch line. People here must think I'm mental. Only Newfies can laugh at this and not offend our fellow Newfs.
 
Newf said:
Just a copy and paste from a Newfie Buddy.

Racism
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.
A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Newfy sausage?"
The shop assistant asks, "Are you from Newfoundland ?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?"
The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't."
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Newfy sausage, why did you ask me if I'm from Newfoundland ?"
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Hardware."
Click to expand...
Funny for sure .HH has a letter on the desk that newfee's on some building products have gone up 20% this last week.
 
So i will try it again
Q: What do you call a coalition of protesting fisherfolk during a pandemic and a climate crisis ?
A : A rouge wave of able body.
 
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