Tell Your Best Joke
- Thread starter Stizzla
- Start date
Aquaholic
Crew Member
Ar Ar Ar……never too soon!
Newf
Crew Member
BONUS IRISH JOKE:
Paddy decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up Paddy's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there, and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours. will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' Paddy said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Paddy got an
unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out,' I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Keith's face turned beet red, and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
She just died and left me everything.'
(And you thought the ending would be different!)
Paddy decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up Paddy's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
'I realize it's terrible weather out there, and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours. will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
'Don't worry,' Paddy said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about nine months later, Paddy got an
unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'
'Yes, I do.' Said Keith.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes!' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out,' I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'
Keith's face turned beet red, and he said,
'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
She just died and left me everything.'
(And you thought the ending would be different!)
Newf
Crew Member
One morning a man using crutches hobbled into the Wick Chapel . He stopped in front of the holy water, splashed some on each leg, and then threw away his crutches. An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen. “Father O’Grady,” the altar boy exclaimed. “A man just walked into the church on crutches, splashed holy water on both legs, then threw his crutches away!” “Lad, you have just witnessed a miracle,” said Father O’Grady. “Tell me, where is this man now?” “Flat on his arse over by the holy water.”
CIVANO
Well-Known Member
Clint r
Well-Known Member
A ship engine failed and no one could fix it, so they brought in a Mechanical Engineer with 40 years experience.
He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
After looking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine burst back into life.
The engine was fixed!
7 Days later the owners got his bill for $10,000.
"What?!" the owners said. "You hardly did anything. Send us an itemized bill."
The reply simply said:
Tapping with a hammer: $2
Knowing where to tap & how much force to use: $9,998
He inspected the engine very carefully, top to bottom.
After looking things over, the guy reached into his bag and pulled out a small hammer.
He gently tapped something. Instantly, the engine burst back into life.
The engine was fixed!
7 Days later the owners got his bill for $10,000.
"What?!" the owners said. "You hardly did anything. Send us an itemized bill."
The reply simply said:
Tapping with a hammer: $2
Knowing where to tap & how much force to use: $9,998
