Tell Your Best Joke
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the gambler
Active Member
What's the best part of being a Meth-Head on Halloween?
Only 3 more sleeps till Christmas!!!
Only 3 more sleeps till Christmas!!!
walleyes
Well-Known Member
A Saskatchewan Girl.
A little story to warm your heart.
A grandfather from British Columbia was visiting his granddaughter in Saskatchewan.
As he watched her playing in the garden, he smiled and reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was, and tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
'Grandpa, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.
They're mating,' her grandfather replied.
What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.
'A Daddy Longlegs,' her grandfather answered.
'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question,he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat.
"Well", she said, "that may be OK in B.C. but we're not having any of that **** here in Saskatchewan ".
A little story to warm your heart.
A grandfather from British Columbia was visiting his granddaughter in Saskatchewan.
As he watched her playing in the garden, he smiled and reflected on how sweet and pure his little girl was, and tears formed in his eyes as he thought about her seeing the wonders of nature through such innocent eyes.
Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground.
He went over to her to see what work of God had captured her attention.
He noticed she was looking at two spiders mating.
'Grandpa, what are those two spiders doing?' she asked.
They're mating,' her grandfather replied.
What do you call the spider on top?' she asked.
'A Daddy Longlegs,' her grandfather answered.
'So, the other one is a Mommy Longlegs?' the little girl asked.
As his heart soared with the joy of such a cute and innocent question,he replied, 'No dear. Both of them are Daddy Longlegs.
The little girl, looking a little puzzled, thought for a moment,then lifted her foot and stomped the spiders flat.
"Well", she said, "that may be OK in B.C. but we're not having any of that **** here in Saskatchewan ".
Rickeoni
Member
A guy breaks down late at night on a deserted road, miles from nowhere. After walking a few miles he hears a car coming and sticks out his thumb. Much to his surprise, the cars stops and the driver offers him a lift. Once they start driving, the guy says to the driver "I am amazed you picked me up, how do know that I'm not a serial killer? " The driver answers back " the odds of two serial killers being in the same car together are astronomical.
Sotally Tober
Well-Known Member
Little Johnny asks his mom where babies come from.
His mother replies ” the stork brings them”.
Little Johnny says “ really, who F’s the stork then”.
His mother replies ” the stork brings them”.
Little Johnny says “ really, who F’s the stork then”.
Sharphooks
Well-Known Member
Thanks for that, GLG—-I’ll never look at Bill Nye the Science Guy the same way again...the earth’s on fire, motherchuckers..ha ha
Here’s an off-color one:
I used to be obsessed that I had ants in my pants but after years of therapy, I found out it was uncle
Here’s an off-color one:
I used to be obsessed that I had ants in my pants but after years of therapy, I found out it was uncle
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Sir Reel
Well-Known Member
The Australian Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
ATO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
ATO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
ATO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
ATO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know"?
kingblazer84
Crew Member
Sentinel
Active Member
An Irish farmer is working his field when he comes upon an old bottle with a cork in it. He pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. Happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants the farmer 3 wishes.
The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that never goes dry."
So poof a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The farmer upends the glass and downs the whole thing. When he puts it down, much to his amazement, it's completely full again.
“Man, this is great” the farmer exclaims
The Genie then asks
"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"
To which the farmer replies,
“I’ll take two more of these”
The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that never goes dry."
So poof a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The farmer upends the glass and downs the whole thing. When he puts it down, much to his amazement, it's completely full again.
“Man, this is great” the farmer exclaims
The Genie then asks
"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"
To which the farmer replies,
“I’ll take two more of these”
