Tell Your Best Joke

Gareth said:
Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....' Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St.. Peter said, 'I'm sorry, but there's only one way you can go back, and that is as a chicken.' Bob was devastated, but begged St. Peter to send him to a farm near his home....

The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground. A rooster strolled past. 'So, you're the new hen, huh? How's your first day here?'

'Not bad,' replied Bob the hen, 'but I have this strange feeling inside. Like I'm
gonna explode!'

'You're ovulating,' explained the rooster. Don't tell me you've never laid an egg before? '

'Never,' said Bob.

'Well, just relax and let it happen,' says the rooster. 'It's no big deal.'

Bob did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg!

Bob was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg -- his joy was overwhelming.

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell.....BOB, wake up....... You've sh@t the bed!
Click to expand...


This is the best first post ever! Love the joke!!
 
"I screamed" when i heard that one.Few years back my wife left a note on the table saying"FC, I have left you for your best friend .after years pass ,I sure do miss my dog.
 
The athiest fisheman was walking in his waders while admiring the river ,he also noticed the trees swaying in the wind,and the birds churping and all to a cozmic event .When all of a sudden a bear appears on the trail and starts to charge .The fisherman runs from the bear ,and the bear is getting closer.The fisherman in his waders is egusted and trips and falls and the bear is on him .The fisherman manages to roll over and as the bear has him in his paws,the fisherman cries out"Oh god help me".at that moment the river stops making noise.the trees stop swaying in the wind.the bear and wildlife stop moving .A light apears before the fishermans eyes and a voice speaks "for your life you have not accepted the belife of my existance ,and have coached others in not of my belife ,and have my exisistance summed up as a cozmic event,and now in your time of need you call on me to help?the fisherman spoke "god it would be hipocritale of me to accept you now after all these years ,so if you could make the bear a better christain i would be greatfull.the voice spoke "very well" .With that the light before the fishermans eyes fade,the noise of the river ,the sway of the trees,and the churping birds all started again .and the bear withdrew from the fishermans chest .The bear drew its front paws together and bowed its head and spoke "thank you for the gift of this meal .AMEN"
 
Wanna hear a good one ? Go to the fisheries and conservation threads and read the post on proposed chinook retention... biggest joke all day...
 
When real life is just a comedy. Some humor from David Frum on twitter on the Bezos deal.

"My client, the world's richest man and owner of the Washington Post, asks if you would be so good as to put your blackmail demands in writing."

"Sure! But don't share this with the US Attorney office, because that might contravene our immunity deal with them."

"You don't say."
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
 
Stizzla said:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Click to expand...
That's dark.
 
North Korea Twitter today.

index.php
 
GLG said:
When real life is just a comedy. Some humor from David Frum on twitter on the Bezos deal.

"My client, the world's richest man and owner of the Washington Post, asks if you would be so good as to put your blackmail demands in writing."

"Sure! But don't share this with the US Attorney office, because that might contravene our immunity deal with them."

"You don't say."
Click to expand...
And the NY Post say's hold my beer.

Dy6IemBU0AAc3bs
 
Little Johnny’s mother watches as little Johnny plays with a toy airplane in his sandbox, he swings the plane over his head a few times and plops it down in the sand and says: “OK all you mother F$$$ers than want to get off… get off and all you mother F$$$ers that want to get on …get on” Hearing this foul language from little Johnny his mother hollers out from the window “ You go to your room and sit in the corner for 3 hours this should teach you not to talk like that”. Three hours later Johnny’s mother is watching Johnny in the sandbox again swinging the airplane over his head, after he plops it down in the sand again he says “ All you nice people that want to get off …get off and all you nice people that want to get on … get on” to this his mom smiles thinking she taught him something today, but as she was smiling he says “ and all you people complaining about the 3 hour time delay….talk to the in the kitchen!”
 
I once me a girl on a blind date. After she told me her name was Carmen. I commented of what a lovely name that was and asked it was her mother or father who gave it to her? She said neither gave it to me. I gave it to me because I love cars and love men!
When she asked my name I told her Beerf#$k Hockeytits.
 
How the stock market works.

DmVn-2LXoAE_g3E
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top