Tell Your Best Joke

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am..'

The man below replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees south latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.'

'You must be an Engineer,' said the balloonist.

“I am,' replied the man, 'how did you know?' 'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you have told me is probabl y technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip by your talk.'

The man below responded, 'You must be an Member of Parliament'

'I am,' replied the balloonist, 'but how did you know?' 'Well,' said the man, 'you don't know where you are or where you're going. You have risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's all my fault . . . '
 
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An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decides to open a medical clinic.

He puts a sign up outside that said:

Dr. Geezer's Clinic.

Get your treatment for $500.

If not cured, get back $1,000.



Doctor Young, who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to make some money. So he visited Dr. Geezer's clinic.



Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?"

Dr Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Aaagh... this is gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back! That will be $500.


Dr. Young is annoyed so goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please get medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Dr. Young: "Oh, no you don't, that's gasoline!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations... you've got your memory back! That will be $500."



Dr. Young, now having lost $1000, leaves angrily, but returns after a few days.

Dr. Young: "My eyesight has weakened... I can hardly see anything!"

Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that," so hands Dr. Young a $10 bill and says "here's your $1000 back."

Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"

Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500."



Moral of story:

Just because you're young doesn't mean that you can outsmart an old Geezer!
 
A good friend of mine, after 7 yrs of medical school and training, has been fired for one minor mistake.
She slept with one of her patients.
And now she can no longer work in her profession.
Such a waste of time, effort, training and money! Sadly, she is still paying on her school loans.
This just goes to show one minor mishap can ruin your life.
Thoughts for her and her family right now in this time of sadness.
She really is a great lady and a brilliant veterinarian.




Take care.
 
Guy walks into a bar and sees a sign... "Make my horse laugh, I'll give you $500"
He walks up to the bartender and says "I'll take that bet, give me a few minutes out back with your horse"
He takes the horse out back and brings it back laughing hysterically.
He collects his $500

Next day he walks into same bar and sees a sign... "Make my horse cry, I'll give you $1,000"
He walks up the the bartender and says "I'll take that bet, give me a few minutes out back with your horse"
He takes the horse out back and bring it back crying uncontrollably.
The bartender agrees to pay him out if he tells him how he did it.

So the guy tells him...
"The first day to make him laugh I took him out back and told him my dick was bigger than his.
"The second day ... I showed him."
 
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