Tell Your Best Joke
- Thread starter Stizzla
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TheHurtLocker
Well-Known Member
IronNoggin
Well-Known Member
Haverodwilltravel
Active Member
A man is sound asleep in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows. "Are you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is this man standing wobbling on the doorstep. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize he was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "I can't sheem to get it schtarted. Can you gives me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed, says the man and slams the door shut.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened - and she says; "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get the car started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," replies the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help - and it's the right thing to help him."
So the husband drags himself out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts out, "Hey, do you still need a push??"
He hears a voice cry out in the rain, "Yesch, please."
Still unable to see the stranger, he shouts out; "well... where are you?!"
The drunk replies, "I'm over here... on the swing set..."
Then, a louder knock follows. "Are you going to answer that?" says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs.
He opens the door and there is this man standing wobbling on the doorstep. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize he was drunk.
"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "I can't sheem to get it schtarted. Can you gives me a push??"
"No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed, says the man and slams the door shut.
He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened - and she says; "Honey, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get the car started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"
"But the guy was drunk," replies the husband.
"It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help - and it's the right thing to help him."
So the husband drags himself out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts out, "Hey, do you still need a push??"
He hears a voice cry out in the rain, "Yesch, please."
Still unable to see the stranger, he shouts out; "well... where are you?!"
The drunk replies, "I'm over here... on the swing set..."
A circus couple goes to an adoption agency to adopt a son.
The agency official says, "I don't know if we can adopt to you people-- always traveling, uncertain income, generally bad reputation of circus people."
They said, "How dare you! This is 2025! We are not gypsies but professionals. We have been doing our act for twenty years, and we have a contract, benefits and a retirement account. We live in a beautiful trailer. And the circus has a school and full-time teacher."
The official says, "Well, okay, I apologize. What age were you thinking of adopting?"
They said, "It's not too important as long as he will fit in the cannon."
The agency official says, "I don't know if we can adopt to you people-- always traveling, uncertain income, generally bad reputation of circus people."
They said, "How dare you! This is 2025! We are not gypsies but professionals. We have been doing our act for twenty years, and we have a contract, benefits and a retirement account. We live in a beautiful trailer. And the circus has a school and full-time teacher."
The official says, "Well, okay, I apologize. What age were you thinking of adopting?"
They said, "It's not too important as long as he will fit in the cannon."
Corey_lax
Crew Member
Did you become nocturnal when you retired? Or move to a different continent? You sure post a lot at 3:00 am lol
