Politically incorrect one-liners

[Labman2]

In a local sports bar trivia quiz the other night, I lost by one point. The question was, where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it's Africa .

One of the other questions was to name two things commonly found in cells.
It appears that Mexicans and African Americans is not the correct answer.

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

A new Muslim clothing shop opened here , but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A friend of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I asked, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother has a mustache".

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook.
I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ... "I hope the **** channel in my room is disabled."
To which she replied, "No, it's regular ****, you sick *******."

The red cross knocked at my door asking if I could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said I would love to, but my hose only reaches the bottom of the driveway

 

[Reel Knotty]

LETS OFFEND EVERYONE






Redneck couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out.

Husband says ' Oh for Pete's sake stop crying, you're still my sister'

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My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else.

She said she wanted to come back as a pig.

I said, 'You're not listening'
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Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan , told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

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I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.

I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle backwards, gets in the car and leaves.


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A car bomb was found outside Lakemba mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque.

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Woman goes into a shoe shop and sees a gorgeous pair of white stilettos.
She asks what are they made of.

The assistant said they were made from human skin and cost $1500.00 a pair.

The woman said she could not afford that. The assistant said says 'Don't worry, we have them in black for $4.99.

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Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'.

She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me'.

He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it somewhere else but you said, No! it'll be too painful', Now who's laughing'

 

[Reel Knotty]

Two guys are talking at the water cooler.

“At a bar last night, I met this really pretty girl wearing a sweater with a big maple leaf on the front on her sweater”

“Did you talk to her?”

“Of course I did. I walked right over to her and said ‘Hi, my name is Three Goal Lead!’”

“Why didn’t you use your real name?”

“Because I heard that someone wearing a maple leaf sweater will surely blow a three goal lead."

 

[burnsy22]

Little Johnny walks into the bathroom and see's his mom standing there naked and points to her crotch and says,
"hey mom whats that"

His mother scrambles to reply and says,
"uhhh that's where daddy hit me with the axe"

Johnny without skipping a beat replies,
"pretty good shot, got you right in the c#*t...

I hope I don't get booted for that one =(