IRS Audit

[GabriolaJohn]

IRS inquiry





IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".


Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".


IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".


Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?

 

[sammyslabber]

At a local bar in downtown Texas,...
the owner & bartender, was so sure that he
was the strongest man around,
that he offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
and then hand the lemon to the patron.
Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money.
Many people had tried,.....over the years:
weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it.

One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar,
wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit.
He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar.
After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge,
he said in a small voice:

"I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet."

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said:
"Ok,..."
He grabbed a lemon and squeezed the hell outta it.....
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow.

But the Crowd's laughter so turned to total silence....
as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....
and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his $1000,
and then asked little man:
"Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"

The little fellow quietly replied:

"I work for Revenue Canada."
..